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Browser Wars

Hello all:

Wow-- what a week it has been! I think the funniest thing is a lesson we had with an investigator about going to the source for correct information. He'd been checking out a lot of anti on the internet and not reading the Book of Mormon or even visiting mormon.org.

He's got a cool media setup and seemed to vibe with me, so I explained it the best way I know how. He's a Firefox user (a referral from a geek friend). I explained:

"Firefox is the fastest-growing browser in the market because it is great-- it revolutionized the ease-of-use, security, GUI, and compatibility of browsers. When Firefox started growing its market-share, Microsoft got very worried.

"Internet Explorer has been full of holes and errors hackers can easily exploit, sluggish, a huge memory hog, crashes easily and all-around a clunker. Firefox was fast, secure, had built-in pop-up blockers, easy-to-install add-ons, took up less memory, etc.

"Microsoft felt threatened by this new open-source alternative, and for good reason. Firefox 3 set the world record in 2009 for most downloads in 24 hours-- it's been growing in the market ever since.

At this point, I had him visit the Browser Comparison Chart, a ridiculous comparison of the different browsers on the Microsoft site.

"You see how in this chart by Microsoft shows that Internet Explorer seems to dominate over Firefox and even Chrome in every aspect from quality to speed? Yet you, as a Firefox user, know better. Everyone knows that the only real way to find out which browser is best is to download them, install them, and try them out individually. That way, you can get firsthand experience at which one really is best.

"Just as you wouldn't go to Ford to get reliable information on Toyota or another car company, you wouldn't want to search for reliable information on our Church from other churches and people.

"You will also notice that we do not come to your door handing out anti-Baptist, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, or other literature. Like Firefox, we are the fastest growing Church in the world because people learn for themselves what we have to offer and gain a testimony of the truthfulness of our message.

It was really fun to get nerdy with a gospel parable. It was well-received, too. I think it was what he needed to here.

Anyway, enough fun for week. Will have more news next week!

Knock-knock jokes

Hello all:

Got a few missionary knock-knock jokes for y'all:

1. Knock Knock... No soliciting! Oh, no we're not solicitors-- we're the missionaries!... Well, go missionary someone else!

2. Knock Knock... Who's there?... It's the missionaries!... I'm not interested... Interested in what, sir?... Interested in people knocking on my door.

3. Knock Knock...Knock Knock... (sh! Be quiet-- the Mormons are at the door!)... Ding-Dong!...(Are they still there?)... Hi! We can hear you... Oh well. Next house!

These are such fun jokes! We love telling them at every single door! Problem is, people seem to know them already. There's millions of variations of this joke, all with new, creative punchlines (excuses) such as:

* You're a cult.
* You're soliciting (time is money and you're asking for my time).
* I can't talk-- I haven't finished paying off the house
* Sorry-- I have a pet rat.
* My son already belongs to your cult.
* I talked to you guys last week (this means about 4 months ago)
* I left my children in the bathtub (we get this one all the time)
* I left my dog in the bathtub
* I left my child in the bathtub with my dog.
* I was just in the bathtub (it's always obvious when this is true)
* My religion is football
* I'm already Mormon (translation: "I was hoping Mitt Romney would get the Republican nomination")
* I don't believe in John Smith
* What Church are you from? We're from The Church of JESUS CHRIST sharing our testimonies about the SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST how JESUS CHRIST is the Son of God, and- I'm not interested; I'm Christian.
* I'm not interested-- my pastor told me you're a nudist colony sacrifice chickens and babies to your Martian devil gods.
* Come on in and let me tell you why you're a nudist colony sacrifice chickens and babies to your Martian devil gods.

Oh, it's fun-- maybe I'll pick up some more next week. Until then, have fun!