Hello all:
Got a few missionary knock-knock jokes for y'all:
1. Knock Knock... No soliciting! Oh, no we're not solicitors-- we're the missionaries!... Well, go missionary someone else!
2. Knock Knock... Who's there?... It's the missionaries!... I'm not interested... Interested in what, sir?... Interested in people knocking on my door.
3. Knock Knock...Knock Knock... (sh! Be quiet-- the Mormons are at the door!)... Ding-Dong!...(Are they still there?)... Hi! We can hear you... Oh well. Next house!
These are such fun jokes! We love telling them at every single door! Problem is, people seem to know them already. There's millions of variations of this joke, all with new, creative punchlines (excuses) such as:
* You're a cult.
* You're soliciting (time is money and you're asking for my time).
* I can't talk-- I haven't finished paying off the house
* Sorry-- I have a pet rat.
* My son already belongs to your cult.
* I talked to you guys last week (this means about 4 months ago)
* I left my children in the bathtub (we get this one all the time)
* I left my dog in the bathtub
* I left my child in the bathtub with my dog.
* I was just in the bathtub (it's always obvious when this is true)
* My religion is football
* I'm already Mormon (translation: "I was hoping Mitt Romney would get the Republican nomination")
* I don't believe in John Smith
* What Church are you from? We're from The Church of JESUS CHRIST sharing our testimonies about the SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST how JESUS CHRIST is the Son of God, and- I'm not interested; I'm Christian.
* I'm not interested-- my pastor told me you're a nudist colony sacrifice chickens and babies to your Martian devil gods.
* Come on in and let me tell you why you're a nudist colony sacrifice chickens and babies to your Martian devil gods.
Oh, it's fun-- maybe I'll pick up some more next week. Until then, have fun!
Clean and Scrub
Hello all:
Wow-- what a P-Day! My bike got a flat, we spent three hours of spot-shining our housing, things keep breaking and falling to pieces, and no time for much of anything really enjoyable this week. Oye-- oh well, we've got 109 P-Days though the mission-- I suppose I can let this one slide, right?
On the plus side, we've made some progress on our investigators, and hope to help them set a date for baptism soon.
Here are some pictures to keep you happy-- a lot of Zone Conference Reunions:
I'm glad to be able to come out here in Colorado to serve the people and serve the Lord. People may heckle and laugh, but most just ask us why. "Why do you give up two years of your life, and at such an important age, to come out here and do this?" "Why do you put up with dressing in a suit every day and working such long hours?" "Why do you always look so happy?"
To that we have to answer "Because we have been called by a prophet of God to share this message. And because we know this message is true. Because we love sharing these truths that have blessed our lives, and can bless everyone we meet. Because like Alma, we cannot rest, and like Nephi, we cannot be restrained, as the Holy Ghost always prompts us to bear testimony of those things that we know. Just... because.
Wow-- what a P-Day! My bike got a flat, we spent three hours of spot-shining our housing, things keep breaking and falling to pieces, and no time for much of anything really enjoyable this week. Oye-- oh well, we've got 109 P-Days though the mission-- I suppose I can let this one slide, right?
On the plus side, we've made some progress on our investigators, and hope to help them set a date for baptism soon.
Here are some pictures to keep you happy-- a lot of Zone Conference Reunions:
- Elder Jensen: My old MTC companion-- he's been out West since the beginning of his mission-- glad to see him at ZC this week. He's now out in the Arapahoe Zone (I think)
- Elder Rambo and Elder Andersen (and me): Elder Rambo was an MTC roommate with Elder Jensen, Elder Chapman, and me. He's now Zone Leader Rambo =) Likewise, I haven't seen him since before Christmas. He was just too happy to see me to let me stay on my feet, apparently. Behind us is Elder Andersen (my son)-- he's now serving in Elder Rambo's and my old area (Crestmoor).
- Our mission rendition of the Army of Helaman song. When we sing it at the end of Zone Conference meals, we always add a fitting refrain (listen at the end)
- Elder Jensen: at the MTC
- The MTC District (back to front, left to right): Elders Jensen, Watkins, Gneiting, Rambo, Naylor, Chapman, Lyons, and Trust (also Zone Leader-- not as silly now, are they?)
- Elder Chapman: the only picture I have of my new/repeat companion =)
I'm glad to be able to come out here in Colorado to serve the people and serve the Lord. People may heckle and laugh, but most just ask us why. "Why do you give up two years of your life, and at such an important age, to come out here and do this?" "Why do you put up with dressing in a suit every day and working such long hours?" "Why do you always look so happy?"
To that we have to answer "Because we have been called by a prophet of God to share this message. And because we know this message is true. Because we love sharing these truths that have blessed our lives, and can bless everyone we meet. Because like Alma, we cannot rest, and like Nephi, we cannot be restrained, as the Holy Ghost always prompts us to bear testimony of those things that we know. Just... because.
Another Transfer
Hello all:
Whew-- what a week! Transfers are always a crazy time! Sadly, Elder Harper is gone on to the Aurora Stake. For President Maynes's first transfer run, he threw everyone for a loop by throwing a few missionaries back to areas in which they'd already served, and a few to companions with which they'd already served! Such is the case with me-- my new companion is none other than Elder Chapman-- one of my MTC roommates, and a one-week companion just 5 months ago in Willow Creek!
We've run into a few hard-nosed people while knocking doors recently. One guy got really angry that we were tracting in a covenant community. He screamed that he was a lawyer and that what we were doing was illegal, so we went ahead and left the property to call the Centennial Sherriff's Department to reconfirm that we are breaking no laws. We had already gone through the routine with Greenwood Village, so it wasn't exactly breathtaking news when the Arapahoe County deputy called us back re-iterating that "there are no laws or ordinances against proselyting in any neighborhood, covenant-controlled, no-soliciting, or any other community or apartment complex, per established precedent from the US Supreme Court. " Fun stuff- that's our life.
At any rate, here are some pictures:
* Elder Harper and me going forth to preach the Gospel
* Elder Harper and I went to a sushi place. He'd never had the stuff before. Having lived in Korea for two years, I was OK with it. Elder Harper... not so much. He could only choke down two pieces before retiring to his drink for the rest of the meal
* A picture from last transfer: Elder Andersen and I found this random grassy hill in the middle of Metro Denver right next to I-25 and a bunch of busy streets. We couldn't resist the opportunity-- we just had to run to the top of the hill, grab a copy of the Book of Mormon, and cry repentance to this untoward generation. We got a few stares and cocked eyebrows, but we didn't care-- it was a good photo-op, and we were on our way to a baptism, anyway, so nothing could ruin our celebratory mood. Doesn't he look like Dan Jones?
* A picture at our place-- though I'm not 100% sure that's what the artist had in mind when he painted it.
Well, gotta get back to work now. Hope everything's going well.
I know this Church is true. I know that Jesus is the Christ, that Joseph Smith was His Prophet, that Thomas S. Monson is the prophet today, and that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. I know that our Savior lives and speaks to us today. love this Gospel, and I love this work. I bear my witness of that in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
New Mission President
Hello all:
Sorry I haven't written for a LONG time-- hope Mom and Dad have been keeping up on everything.
We just had interviews with Pres. Alan R. Maynes and his wife. To be honest, it was like seeing a 4-yr-old play dress-up in his dad's clothes-- he hasn't quite fit into the mission president calling and legacy left behind by Pres. Christison yet (well, it's only been a week), but before we know it, he'll be filling, then overflowing that role. In three years, the next president will have a humongous legacy to live up to as he takes on the tattered but amazing mantle of responsibility left over from decades of high-quality mission presidents.
So we've discovered the HighLine Canal! We are expected to get 100 Quality Gospel Conversations ea. week (extremely hard without a downtown area or busy street), and the HighLine Canal Walking/Jogging/Biking trail helps. We're learning to be bold-- even chasing down bikers with headphones in-- we talk to absolutely EVERYONE. It's so much fun to see people's bewildered faces when we're tearing after them at 25 miles per hour in our top bike speed to tell them about our message.
We also tracted into a lady who was out working in the yard with her parrot. Before she could voice a warning, I had it in my hand and talked to it. Apparently it really likes missionaries and bites everyone else-- even the owners.
Also, here's a pic of Elder Harper.
Gotta catch a bus-- we're going bowling. Have a good week!
Sorry I haven't written for a LONG time-- hope Mom and Dad have been keeping up on everything.
We just had interviews with Pres. Alan R. Maynes and his wife. To be honest, it was like seeing a 4-yr-old play dress-up in his dad's clothes-- he hasn't quite fit into the mission president calling and legacy left behind by Pres. Christison yet (well, it's only been a week), but before we know it, he'll be filling, then overflowing that role. In three years, the next president will have a humongous legacy to live up to as he takes on the tattered but amazing mantle of responsibility left over from decades of high-quality mission presidents.
So we've discovered the HighLine Canal! We are expected to get 100 Quality Gospel Conversations ea. week (extremely hard without a downtown area or busy street), and the HighLine Canal Walking/Jogging/Biking trail helps. We're learning to be bold-- even chasing down bikers with headphones in-- we talk to absolutely EVERYONE. It's so much fun to see people's bewildered faces when we're tearing after them at 25 miles per hour in our top bike speed to tell them about our message.
We also tracted into a lady who was out working in the yard with her parrot. Before she could voice a warning, I had it in my hand and talked to it. Apparently it really likes missionaries and bites everyone else-- even the owners.
Also, here's a pic of Elder Harper.
Gotta catch a bus-- we're going bowling. Have a good week!
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